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b_dogg2g4
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Name: Brandon
Country: United States
State: Michigan
Metro: Lansing
Birthday: 8/25/1985
Gender: Male
Interests: Yea well first things first i love Jesus my lord and savior...through him all things are possible. I just like to do a lot of stuff...i work most of the time and other than that is school. I am big into music and I love bands mostly metal, metalcore, screamo stuff on those line...i was a big rap guy but just this new spectrum opened and i like it a lot...bands i like are As I Lay Dying, Norma J
Expertise: Working with not enough compensation
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  btc187
Member Since:
11/18/2004
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| I have never had a problem with this in my life to recently. I just have this empty/lonely feeling. I don't know what to do. I feel like nothing in my life is going the way I planned or want it to and i have no one to really "talk" to and get stuff off my chest. No one that really knows how i feel. I get people that pop in and out of my life randomly and they know parts of ths story but noone that really knows. There isnt anyone but me that really knows anything that goes on with me on a day to day basis and its ahrd sometimes when the only person you have to confide in....is yourself. I just i mean i am around people but hardly talk ya know and its hard. I just go and come from work..talk there but never anything serious and come home and just sit...alone and wonder. Throw around stuff in my head and try to figure out until i eventually go to sleep. People say they are there ya know but i just dont have that. I mean alot of it may be my fault because i really dont let too many in and know but i am protective...i have been for a while. Protective of getting hurt by someone in the proccess of me lightening up. I did that once and she messed my life up and i tried a few more times with others and it didnt work. Then tried again with her and i just felt like she didnt care, still feel like she wouldnt give a complete damn if i just up and disapeared...which is another thing all in itself because i gave so much of myself to her and what we had. I know like i could grow old with this woman once she got to know what she wanted...but i dont want to wait...and thats even more hard because she knows so much about me. Just i mean to put it straight...i just have this sinking and lonely feeling and its hard to deal with. This is the first time i have actually vented about it...maybe it will help who knows...but i wish i knew how to fix this, how to fix this empty hole that she left...and apart of me doesnt want it filled...but i have started and gave up on everything so we must continue the proccess. I just want this lonely feeling to go away that is all...sorry for such an emo post...but again...i needed to vent | | |
| I had a really great weekend and one that was eye opening too. Hung out with a bunch of old friedns and went to a couple of beaches spent way too much money but in all it was good.
So i decided that it is time for me to grow up. I mean i have been "grown" in the i'm independent and on my own and paying for things i need to pay for and all that jazz...but it do some very childish things and i unintentionaly hurt some people around me over stupid insecurities. I cant keep going on like that. I dont intend to hurt anyone but i took a step back from me and looked at what i am currently left with and it doesnt make me happy. I have broken down one amazing woman along with myself and that isnt fair. She deserves complete happiness and i am just upset that i couldnt give it to her becase of my fear to be let down. I punished her for something someone did to me...and i let that someone do it again to me...fool me once shame on you foolme twice I"M A DUMBASS...i dont know what i was thinking when i thought she could be something...we all know she couldnt but in all i let KP down...lost a potential mate and a GREAT FRIEND. Basicly i am done with feeling sorry for myself and thinking that i need to keep certain people around me because she was the only love i knew. While doing this i lost so much with someone (kp) who honestly cared and yea i'm a dumbass. This is in no way an attempt to get her back or anything, truthfully i wish she would stay as far away from me as possible to better herself" i just had to put down all this mess in my head to some sort of medium to straighten it out...now i am out...to live peace | | |
| Wow Second blog in a 24 hour span...but i do have a lot on the dome
I really am tired of working so much. You don't understand...I've spent most of my prime years having to work...just to be able to do the little things like work and pay for school and purchase things that dont matter...such as clothes lol...well atleast clothes i like. I dunno it's getting really depressing. Honestly I want a month where i dont have to worry about money, and my job, and obligations..i need this. I want to just chill. With good people, my family, close friends, getting to know old friends. I want to lounge all day listening to some really chill music, some Iron and Wine Sufjan stevens dave matthews folk something...fun stuff. I want to go to the beach...like spend an entire week at the beach. Maybe in a cabin or what not but i want to be able to just decide to pack up things and spend some time at the beach or in the woods. Sharing stores getting close to whomever is there. I would like to just get to know myself. I wanna be the guy you see in those nice pictures of sunsets on the beach walking with or just holding the woman he loves. Caring about nothing in the world but right there and right then...and her more than anything. Making out own sweet music of laughter and sighs...where nothing needs to be said but we are fully communicating. I know its a lot to want and in no way am i complaining about my life right now because i still have it far better than so many out there...but sometimes you just hit that breaking point...which usually comes after you have some time away from what holds you down and you realize that there is so much more than what you felt stuck to. Yea...thats what i want though...Maybe it will happen...but i want to just ESCAPE TO A BEACH..
JUST
E
S
C
A
P
E
Maybe one day | | |
| So you ever wish that you had a second chance...at something you missed or something you just though you couldn't obtain, whether too far out of reach or you just being too much of a pussy. Yea i'm feeling that way lately...yes it is about a girl and no it cant really ever work simply because she lives in indianapolis and i live in effing michigan. I really, honestly i do wish i hadnt moved but then again i probably wouldnt have tried to keep in contact with her. This woman is everything that ia normal guy would look for, hilarious, sarcastic, mega smart, hard working, and gorgeous to boot. I dunno...my grandmother would have approved simply kuz she is african american...like i wish i hadnt been such a lame back in the high school days and actually tried to talk to her rather than chicken out and do whateve i called it doing when i felt that there was something there...granted we probably wouldnt have been a friendship now or even a relationship but its still a what if ya know...and those really...well basicly i have regrets and that is sort of one of them...and now...that is all....
Quote of the day which is irrelevant to this postbut here it goes
"I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself" | | |
| so there is a lot that i dont really like right now...here goes...
I dont like people who try to get over in a lane and dont use turn signals, i dont like when people who dont have the right away in a merging lane try to stay right next to you almost daring you to keep going...but i just keep moving, i really dont like when people put 500 dollars worth of stereo equipment into 500 dollar cars. I DONT LIKE MATH, I dont like people who lie to seem cool(esp. when i dont think you are cool in the first place), i dont like people who talk crap behind your back, i dont like knowing whenpeople are talking behind my back(ignorance is bliss in some instances), I CANT STAND THE MS. NEW BOOTY SONG, I greatly dislike working where compensattion doesnt match the work load, i hate being too shy to say what i really wanna say, i really dislike conservative bible thumpers, and also the holier than you ones too, i dislike Gas prices, and there are more but i dont like not likeing things so I'm gunna stop...
So this summer is going to be good i guess...we will see...LALALALALAAA | | |
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